It’s cuffing season, and many of us find ourselves in brand-new relationships. This honeymoon period is great, and you should do everything you can to enjoy it as much as possible! But if you’re planning on taking this thing into the Spring semester, there are a few questions you need to be asking your partner upfront.
- How would you describe yourself? How your boo thinks of themselves is a huge indicator of what kind of person they are. If they say they’re funny, you better like laughing. If they point out their own stubbornness, know that you might be looking at long fights if you two ever disagree. If they say they’re a film buff who really likes monster movies, just know that that’s code for “Hi, I’m Chelsea, and I’m gonna ruin your life.”
- Do you do any community service? Not only is this important to know if they are altruistic and love giving back, but the place they volunteer can also be very telling! While working at a soup kitchen could show empathy for the local homeless population, volunteering at an antique shop might foreshadow a very intense interest in ceramic lizard figurines.
- Who is your celebrity crush? This can give you a sense of who they are attracted to and why, which is great to know if you have just started to date. Maybe they like bushy beards or distinctive laughs, or maybe their celebrity crush is the Geico gecko, and when you ask what they’re talking about Chelsea says she loves him because “he’s so small and green!” and tell you “You know, you’d be a lot cuter if you had a just a few hundred more scales…”
- What’s your favorite animal? The age-old debate between dog-people and cat-people would be the perfect opportunity for some lighthearted teasing. If they prefer stranger animals, there’s probably a story behind it, and that factoid could come in handy for a Christmas or birthday gift! Watch out, though. If your partner is really into lizards, like really into lizards, and this question sends them into a lizard-fueled 30-minute rave, that is a red flag. But everyone loves when their partner is passionate about something, so just ignore that.
- What’s with all the lizard figurines? Even if you’ve only been dating a few weeks, it’s probably hard to ignore the ceramic lizards covering every inch of your s/o’s counter space. This might be a personal question, so only ask if you’re ready to hear the answer, or if you are really bad at picking up clues. After all, when Chelsea tells you that these lizards are her exes, that’s gonna open up a whole can of worms, starting with:
- Wait, like your ex-pets, or the other… kind… of ex… It’s common courtesy not to ask a lady if she has done away with her ex-partners and put their ashes in lizard dolls, but sometimes the situation calls for it. The good news is, you will briefly feel relief when she explains that it’s nothing so morbid. Briefly. Then she’ll clarify, “These lizards are my best friends, my confidants, my right-hand men… I’ve been in a deep, emotional relationship with each one, and even after our breakups we’ve always been able to remain close, close, so very close friends.” Before you can question her further, she will probably break up with you immediately because you talk too much, and her lizards were never even half as judgmental, and also she bought the last 60 of them with your credit card. I guess you should feel lucky they were only statues and not urns…?
Violent delights have violent ends, and the best you can hope for in some relationships is to have fun along the way. For a few of us, a breakup can also result in thousands of dollars of credit card debt. By asking these questions to your new romantic partner, you can get to know them a little better, a little sooner, and maybe even save yourself a lot of heartache.