Everyone knows that monuments and statues are the only real way we can truly remember our history. Some quintessential statues are iconic in our cultural memory. Memorials to victory in war. Monuments to the dead. The statue about that one scene in “Rocky”. That fucked-up bust of Ronaldo. The cupids peeing on fountains. And of course, our beloved Cocky. Statues bring joy and cultural enrichment, and no statue has done that more for the fine students of UofSC than the immortal figure of Cocky. I feel enriched when I look at it; don’t you?
This is why UofSC needs a second statue of Cocky right next to the original one.
When the first statue of Cocky was unveiled just a few years ago, it brought a tear to my eye. Finally, I thought, the statue that UofSC really needs, of the transcendental figure that binds and unifies us all in a rapidly dividing country, of the mascot that students look at when they need a smile.
I know, I know. “But the school must improve basic services and infrastructure first before we spend more money! Plus, we already have one!” To that, I say: Bullshit.
We’ve survived long enough with asbestos in our ceilings, a few more years wouldn’t hurt. And so what if the internet connection doesn’t work in the buildings properly, and counseling services are severely overwhelmed?
We are risking losing a battle against the culture of outrage and darkness closing in on all sides. Without our statues, UofSC and even the whole of society would descend into the endless darkness of ignorance. The best safeguard against this second dark age is the preservation of history that only a second bronze sculpture of Cocky right next to the second one, maybe with its arm around the other’s shoulder, can bring.
You may ask what we would pay for it with. What, you think your money in tuition and fees is actually used for anything useful? Fuck no! There’s plenty of that stuff, and the best way to use it is to erect a modern Michelangelo of our beloved mascot standing next to the other statue.
Have no doubt, the culture wars have started, and only one thing can solve it: immediate construction of Cocky statue to be unveiled right next to the original.