Opinion: Men’s History Month Would Be Way More Epicer

Think about it: what have women actually done for history? They certainly didn’t make any significant scientific discoveries. Pierre Curie certainly wouldn’t have been able to discover something dangerous like radium or polonium, let alone isolate it or discover its radioactive properties if he had some pesky wife badgering him the whole time! Such a task would require the tough, thick skin of a man to stop all of the ionizing radiation from killing them instantly. And I don’t think a woman has ever invented a now-ubiquitous household appliance! It took the common sense of a man to realize you needed to use high water pressure to clean dishes instead of lazy housewives.

I’m not saying that a child who grows up without a father figure is going to be a bad person, but it’s impossible to deny the impact that strong male role models can have in one’s life. Imagine if Barack Obama had been raised by a single mother? I don’t think he would have even made it to the US Senate! And I know Keanu Reeves certainly wouldn’t be the gentleman he is today if he had grown up without a father.

And don’t even get me started on what women do when their husbands aren’t around. They certainly didn’t help with many of our war efforts in the twentieth century! I didn’t see women buying war bonds or working in factories while their husbands were taking the fight overseas. I can’t imagine a woman taking over, let alone being able to handle such a man’s job as making bullets or performing surgery. I’m honestly surprised the country didn’t collapse completely with all of our strong, hard-working men at war.

What a world it would be without men, don’t you think? I think it’s about time we start appreciating men for what they are: the leaders; the pioneers; the patriarchs. The Bible says God created man in his own image, not women, so I think we ought to stand up. Men everywhere, I dedicate the month of March to YOU!