I was in my car driving. The ominous clouds hinted at a thunderstorm on the way but the piercing rays of the sun contradict. A casual day in Columbia.
I was on my way home. It’s a long drive so I just prayed that I’d make it out in time before the storm hit – IF it hit at all.
I was jamming to “Baby” by Justin Bieber for the fifth time when I thought I heard a droplet and promptly turned off the music to assess the situation.
“Shit,” I blurted out after seeing the tiny raindrop on my windshield. Couldn’t it have waited until after I had left town?
Though an unconscious response, I could tell that my sympathetic system had activated because I was in the “fight-or-flight” mode. I could also tell by the physiological symptoms I was exhibiting including but not limited to dilated pupils as I saw in the rear view mirror, increased heart rate, and piloerection.
I just couldn’t believe that I had to go through this all over again. It’s like God is playing with me. She has quite the sense of humor for someone that’s supposedly all good. Why was she doing this to me?
I mean, what if someone passing by sees me? Or judges me? Or laughs at me for doing it wrong?! How can I go through this awful experience, again?I can’t bear the embarrassment. I-I just… Maybe I could pull over and wait it out? But I couldn’t because it had started to get dark outside and I had to get out of town before it became pitch black.
“Get your shit together, you are a grown woman for God’s sake,” I thought to myself. Maybe it’s an irrational fear, but it is a fear nonetheless. I mean I can’t be the only one in this world that feels this way.
No matter, I realized that this fear was slowly taking over my life. I just couldn’t live like this anymore. I had to overcome this.
“You know what the right thing to do is, so just do it. No one will see, or care for all it matters. Everyone is too busy consumed in their own worlds that they won’t even notice. If they can do it, so can you!”
After gathering all the courage I could find, I slowly started to move my trembling hand towards the wiper stalk on the right side of my wheel. Though my heart already felt like it was bursting out of my chest, it increased some more and sweat started to tremble down my forehead. The knowledge of someone judging me based on the ratio of how fast my windshield wipers are going to the amount of rain pouring tingled in the back of my mind. What if I use the wrong speed… I-I…
AA sweat droplet slowly and heavily starts to go down the side of my face.
I pushed down the stalk to the medium setting and quickly moved my hand away from it. Looking around me to make sure no one was looking, I told myself that I’m doing fine and kept driving.