Five Totally Foolproof Ways To Get Your Fifth Grade Crush To Notice You

February 13, 2020February 13, 2020 2000s, crush, fifth grade, love, valentine

It’s the late 2000s, love is in the air, and you have a crush that’s in the fifth grade (wow!).

Holiday Spring 2020 Edition 1

Alone on Valentines Day? Humans Repelled By You? Not Anymore!

February 13, 2020February 13, 2020 valentines, wisdom

There’s some things that even modern science can’t get right, but we haven’t forgotten the Old Ways of His Knowledge.

Entertainment Holiday Spring 2020 Edition 1

Opinion: Feeling Bitter On Valentine’s Day? Try This!

February 13, 2020February 13, 2020 jane eyre, revenge, valentine

I’ve rediscovered a 19th century British Valentine’s tradition called Vinegar Valentines.

Holiday Spring 2018 Edition 6 World

Top Seven Sins to Commit in the Time Between Jesus’s Death and Resurrection

March 31, 2018March 31, 2018 easter, religion, sin

Sinning Saturday is the one time where you can do wrong without Jesus Christ looking. Don’t waste it!

Holiday World

Santa Claus to Skip White House Visit

December 20, 2017December 20, 2017 christmas, santa, white house

“Nearly everyone in that house is up to some dubious shit. From President Trump to the gardeners, everyone was on the naughty list.”

Holiday World

Local Man Buys Present For Girlfriend Planning To Dump Him

December 15, 2015December 20, 2017 breakup, christmas, Gift, love

Area man Zachary Nguyen, 32, recently purchased a necklace for 28 year-old Karen LeFort, the girlfriend planning to dump him one week from Tuesday, reports say.

Holiday World

Jewish Man Prepared To Be Awkward Afterthought At Work Christmas Party

December 5, 2015December 20, 2017 christmas, Hanukkah, Judaism, party

After mentioning his religion in passing to a co-worker last week, local Jew Jake Silverman announced Saturday that he’s ready to be an awkward afterthought at this year’s office holiday gathering.