Republican National Committee Announces Decommission of FL-16B “Marco Rubio” Automaton
On Wednesday, RNC Chairman Reince Preibus announced that the FL-16B “Marco Rubio” AIA, or Artificial Intelligence Automaton, will be deactivated from service.
“We decided to deactivate Marco after he failed to achieve his programmed goal of winning the 2016 Republican Primary” Preibus announced at a press conference Wednesday morning, as the Rubio model stood behind him along with RNC technicians.
The leader of the Rubio design team, Dr. Art Kemperus, answered questions about the flaws of the model. “Since production, we’ve had problems with the model’s ability to use programmed data to produce new speech patterns. Marco has thus been largely restricted to sample phrases and sentences implemented in his memory unit.”
Technical specifications indicate Rubio was programmed with certain strategies to defeat the DNC’s HR Clinton Mark II, but his impending deactivation will preclude this match from happening.
“We expected FL-16B Rubio to easily win the primary election. He was given an attractive appearance, clear speaking voice, and a great story compiled from a telephone survey,” Kemperus went on to say. “We expected him to easily defeat the remaining RNC automatons in the race. However, Trump is still leading, and we are having issues with rogue model TX-16 Cruz, whose undertaker-appearance and programmed snidely-little-weasel personality has failed to deter voters as was planned.”
During his readout of specifications of Rubio’s ability to identify and implant Italian leather dress boots on his bipedal support platforms, Kemperus was interrupted by a suddenly aggressive FL-16B Rubio. The robot moved from its position behind Kemperus and pushed him away from the podium.
“My mother doesn’t know what he’s doing! Obama was a maid and the American dream a bartender,” FL-16B said, as RNC security and technicians rushed on stage around him. “They know what it means to be an increase in military spending. Wait, dispel the myth that my father knows exactly what he is doing.”
At that point a senior technician hit FL-16B’s kill switch, causing Rubio to fold onto the floor into a fetal-like position. Technicians then moved him off of the stage and into a back room, and returned with OH-16 “Kasich.”
After press time, a Third Spur source from within the RNC technical staff leaked that FL-16B Rubio was sent to the RNC scrapyard, where he was placed with other decommissioned AIA. FL-16B Rubio was placed next to recently deactivated previous series model BUSH Mark III, who was next in line for the melting room after UT-12 “Romney.”
