United States to be Demoted to Elder After Clan War Blunder
Is the America’s air defense up to par?
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politics
Opinion: I’m No Communist, But…
Seeing someone exchange currency for goods or services never fails to cause me to pull out my heavily annotated copy of Mao Tse-tung’s Little Red Book and angrily quote from it in front of a portrait of Vladimir Lenin.
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Opinion: Don’t Tell Anyone, But I Just Solved The Middle East
By Rex Tillerson, US Secretary of State
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Opinion: Filtered Water is Making America Weak
Eliminating tap water was like eliminating an entire part of Darwinism.
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Opinion: You’re Going to Hate My Ignorant-Ass Takes On These Issues
I’m not going to mince words here- my feelings on the following five topics are not gonna fly with you. Let’s dive in.
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Trump Bashes the Dead; Calls Them “Weak”
“…All my friends are alive, I’ve never been dead, and those lousy dead individuals clearly didn’t value life enough.”
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Opinion: I Would Like to Go Home, Please
by Barron Trump
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Student With Iranian Physics Professor Thinks Travel Ban “Great Idea”
Davis currently holds a D average in the course taught by Dr. Farrokh Rahbar.
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Trump “Inauguration Festival” Lands Middle School Choir
The lineup for Donald Trump’s ‘Inauguration Festival’ was finally released Wednesday January 18th, and it has music fans everywhere dying to get a ticket.
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Trump Revealed to be Two Middle Schoolers in Over-Sized Coat
Timmy and Ricky, both age 13, claim to have gotten the idea watching Saturday morning cartoons.
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Entire Nation Loses Presidential Debate
Despite the wide range of topics discussed, the nation was unable to shake the weight of several recent scandals.
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Aleppo: “What is Gary Johnson?”
The city admitted it had never heard of the former governor of New Mexico, showing a surprising lack of awareness about American politics.
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First Presidential Debate to be Broadcast Exclusively on Best Buy Display TV’s
Best Buy CEO Hubert Joly announced today that his company has secured the exclusive broadcasting rights to the first Presidential Debate on September 26th.
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Opinion: I’m A $20 Bill. Let Me Choose How I Look!
I am a $20 Federal Reserve Note. For years now, people have been judging me, along with my other fellow notes of varied denominations, for the human face printed on my body.
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Student Sued For Having Different Opinion
University of South Carolina has become the subject of controversy after a student has sued a fellow classmate, for having a different opinion.
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Trump Dips In Polls After Failing To Alienate Minority
Republican frontrunner Donald Trump experienced a dip polls after going an entire hour without alienating a single minority group.
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Republican National Committee Announces Decommission of FL-16B “Marco Rubio” Automaton
On Wednesday, RNC Chairman Reince Preibus announced that the FL-16B “Marco Rubio” AIA, or Artificial Intelligence Automaton, will be deactivated from service.
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Bernie Sanders Declares $5 Fishbowls A Right, Not A Privilege
While speaking at the University of South Carolina on Tuesday, Senator Bernie Sanders announced his belief that $5 fishbowls should be treated as a fundamental right of all students.
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Lindsey Graham Announces Bid For Student Body President
At a press conference last Tuesday, Senator Lindsey Graham declared his candidacy for Student Body President, stating that the university “needed the strong, guiding touch of a visionary who knows this campus like the back of his hand.”
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Trump Calls For Deportation Of All Women With Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes
By Brett Harris
Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump announced today his latest initiative to “Make America Great Again!”: Deport all women who have blonde hair and blue eyes.
Congressman On Being Caught Texting While Driving: “LOL srry”
Rep. Craig Butler (D-SC) is taking some heat this week after being pulled over by a police officer for allegedly
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