Apple Clarifies ‘Hispanic Males Have Stolen Jobs’ Press Release

Last Wednesday afternoon, Apple’s Board of Directors issued a statement in regards to Steve Job’s remains being taken from his unmarked grave in Alta Mesa Memorial Park in Palo Alto, California. The statement read:

“We are deeply saddened to announce that we have reason to believe that a group of Hispanic males have stolen Jobs. We currently have no information on how, but we have reason to believe that they have experience in doing this.”

Apparently, many people took offense to what Apple expressed in the statement, bombarding the company with accusations of racism. Apple quickly retracted their statement, clarifying that they simply meant to point out that men of Guatemalan descent were seen driving out of Alta Mesa around the time that the grave was breached. Early yesterday morning, Apple released another statement in which the company assured its users that it “in no way supports the dangerous rhetoric which was mistakenly present in Wednesday’s statement, but still would like to have Jobs back.”

Technology journalists report that in order to continue patching their rapport with the Hispanic demographic, Apple may release another OS update that completely removes the option to enable firewalls. More as the story develops.