Breaking Down Puppy Bowl XIII

With the first Sunday of February right around the corner, Americans are gearing up for Puppy Bowl XIII, and the matchup of team Fluff versus Ruff promises to be an exciting one. Here’s a breakdown of who to look out for in this exciting competition.


Lucky: Fluff Running Back, Terrier Mix

Despite losing a leg chasing a car, Veteran Puppy Bowl competitor Lucky has dominated the league with elusive running, explosive speed, and an insatiable grit. Lucky, according to sports writers, is the most likely to receive the Puppy Bowl MVP, as long as the cataracts and arthritis don’t inhibit her playing ability. Many are speculating that this will be Lucky’s last puppy bowl, before retiring and “going to live on a farm upstate.”


Beebop: Ruff Wide Receiver, Terrier Mix

As a fresh-faced rookie, Beebop has separated herself from the rest of the litter this season, leading the league in treats caught, laps around the living room, and amount of faces kissed. However, as a youngster, Beebop hasn’t seen the pressure that the Puppy Bowl brings, pressure that has been known to cripple even the seasoned performer. So, don’t be surprised if she loses focus early on and defecates on the field.


Max: Fluff Linebacker, Pit Bull Mix

Max, with several discipline problems including having led a squirrel-fighting ring, is probably the most controversial player in this year’s Puppy Bowl. Fresh off of a three-game suspension for the attempted mauling of a small child, as well as having garnered negative press after steroid allegations surfaced last month, Max is trying to clean up his image with a stellar outing this Sunday. Look for him to bring an intensity that team Ruff is gonna have a hard time containing.


Squirt: Ruff Cornerback, Dachshund/Rat Terrier Mix

The player most likely to have a breakout game would have to be feisty Cornerback, Squirt. Replacing Daisy Moses after a gruesome neutering accident, Squirt has been inconsistent this year and is still suffering backlash after a video surfaced in which he allegedly took part in an illicit arms deal. However, he shows tons of promise and definitely has the energy needed to compete at this level. Watch for Squirt to make impressive moves on the field and on some of the recently-fixed bitches.

Remember the Puppy Bowl is on Animal Planet February 5 at 3pm, with a Halftime Performance by Kitty Gaga and coin toss by Hall-of-Famer and Great Dane, Duke Renton. Don’t miss it!