USC Head Coach Search: Who Are The Candidates?

As Athletic Director Ray Tanner continues the search for the next Head Football Coach, Third Spur Sports has compiled a list of coaches rumored to be in contention for the job.

Swabo Dinney: 

Dinney has long been linked to the South Carolina football program due to his life-long vendetta against his estranged twin brother, Clemson Head Coach Dabo Swinney. The mustachioed 46 year-old is well known for barring all dancing in the locker room and his reputation for anti-Clemsoning, when his team doesn’t blow their chance at a title hope.

Bear Bryant: 

Bear Bryant, famed Alabama Head Coach from 1958 to 1982, won seven national titles and fourteen SEC championships with the Crimson Tide. Although he has not been seen since his funeral in 1983, rumors of booster support for the hiring of the lifeless corpse have gained steam in recent weeks.

Carly Fiorina:

The former CEO of Hewlett-Packard has no formal experience in coaching or playing football, but she is highly touted for her leadership skills and business savvy. AD Ray Tanner is reported to be especially impressed by her ability to make tough decisions, such as laying off 30,000 employees at HP. Gamecock fans will have to wait to find out if Fiorina will be the one cutting otherwise deserving players, as she is currently pursuing another job.

Shawn Elliot: 

There is still a chance that the interim Head Coach could be promoted to full-time, on the contingency that whatever God there is truly does hate the South Carolina Gamecocks.