Dallas Cowboys’ Ezekiel Elliott Accused of Domestic Violence, Cowboys’ Organization Proud of His Progress

Following recent accusations of domestic violence, The Dallas Cowboys front office is reportedly  “very pleased” with how quickly rookie running back Ezekiel Elliot is fitting into the organization.

 “When I read the draft report for Ezekiel, I saw that he was regarded as a man of high character and great respect, so naturally I had serious doubts about him” Jones said in a recent statement to the press. “But, with this new scandal developing, I think we’re really seeing Ezekiel come into his own and truly embody what it means to be a Dallas Cowboy. Most likely, despite overwhelming evidence against him, he’ll avoid any sort of repercussions for his actions, and that’s how we’ll know that he’s our next great franchise running back.”

While the fourth-overall pick did not face any arrests in his time at Ohio State, it took less than only two months at the NFL level for the collegiate star to draw allegations of assault. In a press conference Head Coach Jason Garrett evaluated Elliot, telling reporters, “Ezekiel’s just a kid, he turns 21 today and these young guys need time to develop as a player, and as a person. But, he’s already improved his conditioning, blocking, and off-the-field violence in such a short time. What I’m saying is, it’s going to take him some time to develop into the type of criminal you expect to see in a Cowboys uniform. Give him some more time, and this will be an expected occurrence for him.”

When asked about the strikingly high rates of criminal activity among the organization’s players, Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones responded: “There’s just something special about this organization, and how we can transform any innocent, talented kid into a true NFL player, with a full rap sheet and a few mental problems too. Give Ezekiel a bit of time, and he could be the next Adrian Peterson or heck, even O.J. Simpson.”