Southwest Airlines Restricts Emotional Baggage Per Customer

This week, to many frequent fliers’ dismay, popular airline Southwest announced that it will be restricting emotional baggage carried by its passengers.

“While we realize this decision isn’t the most glamorous, we have to do what’s best for our business,” a spokesperson for the airline said. “Passengers with a larger-than-average number of past traumatic experiences can really bring down the atmosphere aboard our flights.”

One previous Southwest customer explained that he will no longer be flying with the airline, as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

“A gate employee told me that my multiple bad breakups, paired with the recent passing of my mother, could kill the mood in the economy cabin ‘just as easily as a loss of cabin pressure,’” he recalled. This isn’t an isolated incident, with many airline-goers reporting that experiences such as divorces, PTSD, and miscarriages were enough to be bumped from their flights.

Fortunately, sources say that Southwest isn’t completely leaving its customers out to dry- usually offering to pay the difference for the customer to take an appropriately traumatic American Airlines flight.