Whoa there, Sharon, you wild stallion, you. Is that a floor length garnet denim skirt I see? You fox! What would the people of Arthur, Illinois think of you now? I thought you were really risking it when you trimmed your hair. But this? You’re going off the rails, Sharon!
Hold on a minute, is that a red streak in your hair? Sharon! What will the brothers back home say? College has really changed you. I mean, just last month you were riding horse drawn carriages, and now you’ve got the Uber app on your phone. Scandalous.
Speaking of horses, hold them! Sharon! Is that a boy walking near you? What about the five feet rule? When I saw you watching TV in the common room, I dared not speak a word. But this? This is insane, Sharon. What about Jeb? He has been waiting to marry you since you were three months old, and now you’re just walking in front of men willy-nilly? You are red hot, Sharon!
And scheduling classes past sundown. Well! I suppose it goes without saying that straying from The Village so late at night is a dangerous feat! And don’t think I didn’t see that anklet you had on when we were climbing those stairs back there. I was able to look past the colored socks, but that anklet was something else. Du bist ein absoluter Rebell, Sharon!
Is… is that a heel on your shoe, Sharon? Well, at least your shoulders are covered. We would have a real scandal on our hands if not.