South Carolinians Thrilled To Find Roads Upgraded To Gravel

Citizens of the state of South Carolina awoke Tuesday morning to find that all of the state’s major roads and highways had been upgraded to gravel overnight. State officials reportedly viewed this change as the cheapest and simplest solution to the prior debilitated condition of the roads.

The early word is that citizens are overjoyed with the change to all gravel roads. One woman, Hannah Youngs said that “these are the smoothest and nicest roads” she has ever driven on. She added, “I wish they did this years ago!”

The process to fix all the roads overnight was relatively simple to achieve. Hundreds of bulldozing crews throughout the state were commissioned to demolish the existing roads, after which gravel was lightly spread above them. Interstate 26 from Columbia to Charleston, however, required only the simple coat of gravel.

One state official gave his opinion on the change. “The roads were shit,” he said. “Now, I can get to work on time without having to worry about horrid driving conditions.”

Another man, Jason Simpson, said “I’m glad to see that the state is looking out for our best interest in upgraded the roads to luxurious gravel, all while being so fiscally responsible. It’s rare to see that these days.”

Since the upgrade to all gravel roads, the average commute time has dropped by 400% and the state now has an extra $250 million dollars in funding.