Opinion: Spring Break Was Fucking Lit

Y’all, this Spring Break was beyond epic!

The adventure started when my buddies and I all met up to hit South Beach and realized that none of us had a car. We’re nothing if not resourceful, so we weighed our options and ended up calling an Uber. There were 6 of us and all our stuff though, so we obviously went with an XL. Go big or go home, am I right??

9 and a half hours later we pulled up in front of our dream house. The Uber driver was super reasonable. We only had to pay $1,500 for the ride which, my buddy Jeff pointed out, was like totally the same thing we’d have to have paid for gas. I mean that’s how Uber calculates their price anyway.

Soaking up the sun and the view, we walked up to our pad for the week. It was a little weird that the doors were locked, but we figured there must be a hide-a-key somewhere, so we started looking around. After about 2 hours of no luck, I finally asked my gang who had called to rent the house. When no one said anything, I guess that’s when I sort of realized we might not have this place for the week.

But hey we adjust, right? I mean, we are men. We are wanderers. We are wild. We didn’t need some pathetic roof to give us the spring break of our dreams. And hey, we had some babes waiting for us anyway. We took all our stuff with us and got set up in the sand, ready to find our hunnies. I called them to see where on the beach they were. When my girl Rachael answered the phone, my ear got blasted with all sorts of cussing. Man. I didn’t realize we were supposed to give them a ride down here too…

My man Andy got us back on track though. Girls just weigh ya down, we were better off without ‘em. Now that it was a bro’s only week, we decided to hit up the strip club on the boardwalk. Dude, I’m talking 21 and over, rated-M, the good stuff. A few of us weren’t 21 yet, but come on, who doesn’t have a fake these days? They’re practically allowed. At least that’s what I thought before the undercover cop in the club busted us.

We could’ve gotten a fine or had him take away our fakes or something, but nah man, dude throws half of our gang in jail for the night. It was dope as fuck! Nothing’s more badass than spending a night in jail. I feel bad for those losers who were already 21, must’ve been a pretty boring night.

And dude, that was just the beginning. Man, my spring break was fucking lit!