USC Meal Plan to Only Cover One Meal

In a statement to the student body released this Tuesday, the University announced that the meal plan options would now only represent a single purchasable meal. Under the new plans, a single meal swipe gets a student a single meal for the year from any campus dining option of their choice. The swipe may only be used once per semester, and does not roll over into a new semester. Students may purchase a Silver Swipe plan for $1200, a Gold Swipe plan for $1500, or Platinum Swipe plan for $2100 — the best bargain according to the university — through Self Service Carolina.

“This is a bold new step for the University of South Carolina,” Vice Chairman William Langland said. “We’ve been trying to get costs down now for years, and I think this was the right choice.┬áIt’s meal plan, not meals plan.”

Langland added, “The cost has just been too high for those of us in charge and, to be quite honest, some of these kids can go without another chicken sandwich.”

“And it’s not as if we haven’t been spoiling them with Meal Plan Dollars. These kids need to learn that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade,” though Langland later clarified lemons were not included on the meal plan.

When asked if the faculty would also adhere to the new system, Langland responded with hearty laughter through mouthfuls of a Pandini’s chicken parm.