Former President Bob Caslen Cited as Prophet after USC Name Change

Former President Bob Caslen Cited as Prophet after USC Name Change

October 28, 2022October 28, 2022 caslen, uofsc, USC

It’s time for people to admit they were wrong.

Campus Spring 2019 Edition 3

The Voices Behind the Close-Hipp Construction Team

April 8, 2019 campus, Close-Hipp, construction, interview, USC

For many USC students who take classes in Close-Hipp, the construction team is a constant in their daily lives. It’s

Campus Opinion Spring 2019 Edition 3

Pastides’ Successor has “Big Shoes to Fill”

April 8, 2019April 10, 2019 big, campus, Pastides, president, shoes, USC

Personable. Hardworking. Size 15. These are some of the traits students are looking for in our next USC President. There

Campus Spring 2019 Edition 3

USC to Switch to New Online Education System Whiteboard

April 8, 2019 Blackboard, campus, USC

For several years, students at USC have been accustomed to logging onto the online educational platform known as Blackboard. However,

Campus Spring 2019 Edition 3

USC Geography Professor Developing New Capitals of the World Minor

April 8, 2019 campus, classes, professor, USC

Dr. Anaya Robinson fondly looks back on the first world capital city she learned as a child. Today, she is

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 6

BREAKING: USC President Pastides Revealed to be Cocky’s Father

October 31, 2018 campus, cocky, father, Pastides, son, USC

A paternity test has confirmed their relationship.

Campus Fall 2018 Edition 4

Depression Rates Plummet After Stigma Free USC Week

October 9, 2018October 9, 2018 campus, mental health, students, USC

The mental health awareness event proved to be a big success.

Campus Developing Stories Spring 2018 Edition 6

Advising Office to Student Body: “You Aren’t Getting in that Class… Bitch”

March 31, 2018March 31, 2018 campus, classes, registration, USC

“You’ll take a 9:40am lecture with the worst professor we’ve got and you’ll like it.”

Campus Entertainment Spring 2018 Edition 5

Which USC President are You Based on Your Zodiac Sign?

February 20, 2018March 20, 2018 horoscopes, president, USC

Aries: You are Jonathan Maxcy. You’re the first on the list, so naturally you would be the first president of

Opinion Spring 2018 Edition 3

Joke: British Exchange Students Imprisoned in Black Hole of Callcott

February 5, 2018February 20, 2018 joke, stupid, USC

Did you catch the extremely clever joke there in the title? Don’t worry, I cited my sources, you simpleton.

Campus Fall 2017 Edition 7

Foreign Language Department To Add ‘Basic White Girl’ Course Next Semester

November 18, 2017 campus, language, USC

The addition comes after thousands of requests crashed the department’s Twitter page.

Campus Fall 2017 Edition 7

Housing Review: Living in Maxcy-Gregg Park

November 18, 2017 campus, community, homeless, housing, USC

Maxcy-Gregg Park is the latest option for on-campus housing.

Campus Fall 2017 Edition 7

U101 Student Excited to Change Major to University Studies

November 18, 2017November 18, 2017 Major, u101, USC

A first-year student attributes his newfound interest in the University of South Carolina to University 101.

Campus Fall 2017 Edition 2

USC Fight Song Changes to Wagon Wheel to Remind You Darius Rucker Went Here

September 19, 2017September 30, 2017 darius rucker, fight song, USC

The lead singer of late 80s band Hootie & the Blowfish was, of course, the singular successful graduate of our university.

Campus

Freshmen Claim They Will Have Best Tailgate During First Home Game

September 16, 2017September 16, 2017 football, tailgate, USC

They’ve confirmed reports that they may have secured a prime tailgating spot.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 10

Horseshoe Bar Announces Finals Preparedness Week

April 24, 2017April 24, 2017 Finals, Five Points, USC

Beer will be half-priced after midnight if students show their notes to the bartender.

Sports

Gamecock Men Relieved to Return to Studies After Loss to Gonzaga

April 2, 2017 basketball, Final Four, sports, USC

The team was dismayed this March as they were forced to miss more and more class.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 7

Honors Fire Alarm To Be New Wake-Up Call System

March 17, 2017 campus, dorms, USC

The daily blaring fire alarm will be introduced in all the dorm buildings next semester.

Sports Spring 2017 Edition 4

Student Body Still Figuring this Whole Basketball Thing Out

February 10, 2017 basketball, sports, USC

‘It took me awhile to get used to all of the handballs,’ said one attendee at last week’s game.

Campus Spring 2017 Edition 1

Students Return From Break With Renewed Sense of Anxiety, Self-Loathing

January 19, 2017 campus, self-loathing, USC

‘You don’t want your self-esteem hovering around normal for too long.’

Fall 2016 Edition 9 Sports

Clemson Forfeits Win in Little Known “Color Palette” Technicality

December 1, 2016December 1, 2016 Clemson, football, sports, USC

The Gamecocks’ record is now 7-5, while the Tigers will drop to 10-2, eliminating them from contention for the playoff.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 8

Cocky Asks to be Euthanized after Lengthy Battle with Throat Cancer

November 17, 2016 cocky, gamecocks, USC

Once able to speak coherent sentences, Cocky has been limited to hoarse crows and inaudible whispers.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 6

USC Meal Plan to Only Cover One Meal

October 27, 2016October 31, 2016 campus, food, USC

The swipe may only be used once per semester, and does not roll over into a new semester.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 5

USC Requests Ideas for New Racists to Name Buildings After

October 20, 2016 buildings, campus, racism, USC

‘There just aren’t many Strom Thurmonds anymore,’ one official said.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 4

Cocky Outed In NSFW-Film With Big Bird

October 6, 2016October 6, 2016 cocky, nsfw, USC

The University is in disarray after a pornographic-film of Cocky and Big Bird found its way onto the Internet.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 3

Roommates Resume Masturbation Schedule After Conclusion Of Parent’s Weekend

September 30, 2016September 30, 2016 campus, DJing Own Party, roommate, USC

USC roommates Steve Walsh and Mike Thompson resumed their masturbation schedule immediately after the conclusion of Parent’s Weekend earlier this month.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 3

Coker Vending Machines Voted Best On-Campus Dining

September 30, 2016September 30, 2016 campus, food, USC

Fall student polls have revealed today that for the third year in a row, the vending machines in the Coker Life Sciences Building have been voted best dining on campus.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 2

Sororities Outspoken After Being Asked Not To Drink Selves To Death

September 22, 2016September 22, 2016 drinking, greek life, USC

In light of recent sanctions from the USC Sorority Council, several sororities are vocalizing their objections at being asked not to drink themselves to death.

Fall 2016 Edition 2 Sports

Performance Enhancing Drugs Ravage Intramural Flag Football League

September 22, 2016September 22, 2016 drugs, football, sports, USC

Scandal has struck the University of South Carolina as widespread use of performance enhancing drugs were found in the intramural flag football community.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 2

New Bar in Five Points Just Giant Trough Filled With Beer

September 22, 2016September 26, 2016 5-points, drinking, USC

It’s all-you-can-drink from the 20-yard aluminum feed box, all for $5.

Campus Fall 2016 Edition 1

USC Legalizes Cocaine To Curb Illegal Adderall Use

September 15, 2016September 15, 2016 cocaine, drugs, Pastides, USC

In a move to reduce illegal Adderall use, USC President Harris Pastides announced today that cocaine will now be legally sold on campus in a joint venture with Sodexo.

Fall 2016 Edition 1 Opinion

Opinion: Campus Sobriety Culture Excessive

September 15, 2016September 15, 2016 campus, drinking, USC

As new freshmen find their way around campus and into a lifetime of debt, it is important to realize that sobriety is stressful, and it is okay to say no.

Campus

USC Smokestack Erupts For First Time In 500 Years

May 8, 2016May 8, 2016 natural disaster, smokestack, USC

Today the USC Smokestack in central campus erupted for the first time in nearly 500 years, an event scientists are calling ‘the ecological disaster of the millennium.’

Campus

University Ambassadors Have High Schoolers Fooled This Year

April 7, 2016April 7, 2016 campus, tour, USC

As many prospective students tour USC’s campus during their spring breaks, early reports say that USC’s university ambassadors really have this year’s batch of high schoolers fooled.

Campus Politics

Student Government Election Important Opportunity For Candidates To Practice Campaigning, Fraud

February 19, 2016September 16, 2016 election, fraud, USC, vote

This week was election week at USC, an opportunity for candidates for President, Vice President, and Treasurer to gain real political experience in things like campaigning and fraud.

Campus Politics

Lindsey Graham Announces Bid For Student Body President

February 8, 2016September 16, 2016 Lindsey Graham, politics, USC

At a press conference last Tuesday, Senator Lindsey Graham declared his candidacy for Student Body President, stating that the university “needed the strong, guiding touch of a visionary who knows this campus like the back of his hand.”

Campus

North Korean State Media Buys The Daily Gamecock

February 7, 2016 Daily Gamecock, North Korea, USC

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea’s state news media, The Korean Central News Agency, has purchased the majority share in the USC media company The Daily Gamecock for an undisclosed sum of money and uranium.

Campus

USC Begins Construction On New Construction Site

February 1, 2016February 1, 2016 campus, construction, USC

USC administration announced this morning that construction is planned to begin next week on a new, state-of-the-art construction site.

Campus

Students Flock To USC For New Adult Entertainment Management Major

January 30, 2016January 30, 2016 Major, Pornography, USC

A recent addition to the USC family of programs, the Adult Entertainment Management major, has spiked in popularity after its inception at the start of 2016, a report released by the bursar’s office says.

Campus

Capstone Scholars Program To Be Renamed “Almost Honors” Program

January 24, 2016February 7, 2016 capstone, honors, USC

As per an announcement from the faculty principal of the Capstone Scholars Program, beginning in the Spring 2016 semester, the program will be renamed the “Almost Honors Program.”

Sports

Frank Martin Dumps Body Of Referee Into Lake Murray

January 24, 2016January 24, 2016 basketball, Frank Martin, Lake Murray, USC

Late Saturday night, Frank Martin, USC Men’s Basketball Head Coach, was spotted dumping the body of basketball referee John Smith, 42, into Lake Murray.

Entertainment

Carolina Productions Releases Spring 2016 Movie Lineup

January 17, 2016January 17, 2016 Carolina Productions, movies, USC

Cinema-lovers rejoice- Carolina Productions has released its spring movie lineup for the Russell House Theater. We’ve included the whole list here, for easy viewing. Enjoy!

Campus

University of South Carolina Announces New Adderall-Free Policy

December 4, 2015 Adderall, Pastides, USC

In response to growing concerns about students abusing prescription drugs such as Adderall during finals week, the University of South Carolina has stated in a recent press release that the Columbia campus will be Adderall-free as of December 1, 2015.

Campus

USC Cancels Future Graduations To Increase Retention Rates

November 28, 2015November 28, 2015 graduation, students, USC

It’s no secret that USC has struggled to maintain a reputable retention rate, but recently the university revealed the next plan to improving retention rates: cancelling future graduations.

Campus

Student Misses Shuttle, Drops Out

September 10, 2015November 6, 2015 drop out, shuttle, USC

For sophomore Ben Davis, this school year is not off to a good start. In fact, his semester is already