Over the past few months, the food industry has been plagued by COVID-caused supply chain issues. All of this is finally coming to a head and many restaurants are having to adapt.
On-campus dining has experienced its fair share of supply chain problems. Because of the lack of available tomatoes, Twisted Taco has had to forego their salsa and chips, switching it to chips and blended compost. Due to a shortage in cups, Starbucks at Humanities has moved to a “momma bird” style of serving customers. After a drink is made, the worker on staff with the biggest mouth will drink it and then regurgitate it into the paying customer’s mouth. The Chick-fil-a in Russell has been forced to curtail their trademark, “my pleasure,” and instead opt for the classic, “Fuck you, take your food.”
A Panera bread employee spoke out, saying, “The lack of certain items has been really tough. We have to do twice the work with half of the supplies. Running out of bagels every ten minutes isn’t even the worst part, several of our new policies have been a bear on both customers and associates. To make sure customer’s do not steal more than a necessary amount of napkins, corporate is making us personally inspect each customer’s genitals.”
“Many male customers tried to circumvent the napkin limit put in place a month ago by hiding napkins in their foreskin,” stated the employee. “We have simply been left no choice.”
Even fine dining is feeling the shortage. Hall’s Chophouse on Main Street has put in place a BYOB (bring your own beef) rule. Customers are now required to bring their own live cow into the restaurant and slaughter it in front of the chef. Thankfully, Hall’s does provide long, serrated blades for slaughtering purposes.
So whether you are getting your foreskin inspected, or slitting the neck of a cow in front of your wife and kids, stay safe, and enjoy your meal.