6 Guns for 6 Feet Trick-or-Treating

With the COVID-19 pandemic still ongoing (Yes, it is. No, really.), Halloween is going to be just another day: still wearing masks, but a little more dressed up and everyone on a sugar high.

With coronavirus in mind, social distancing should still be kept in mind. I have compiled a list of 6 guns to ensure that you can successfully get candy to those hungry children, but keep your personal space.

  1. Nerf Zombie Strike Sidestrike Blaster – It’s tiny but mighty. Strike Smarties at some baby zombies with this blaster. The holster has 4 spots, so you can load and hit them with a few at a time to keep them happy. And if you have trouble aiming, then just visualize your mother-in-law when shooting. It almost always helps me. 
  2. Nerf Rival Phantom Corps Kronos XVIII-500 – If you prefer shooting Gumballs instead of Smarties, maybe the Kronos can be your go-to gun. This bad boy allows you to shoot 5 high-impact rounds at 90 feet per second, so you know you can maintain at least 6 feet and still often hit your target, give or take a few black eyes.
  3. Nerf Fortnite RL Blaster – Now this might be a little above budget, but if you’re looking to shoot some bigger and better candy so that all the kids will be talking about your house, maybe this Fortnite Blaster is for you. While it only has the ability to shoot one round at a time, the size of this beautiful blaster will allow you to deliver a whole Snickers bar through the teeth of any punks trying to break social distancing. 
  4. Nerf Rival Apollo XV-700 and Face Mask – At this point, you’re probably serious. Protect your health and your house with this dope Apollo XV-700 gun and matching Face Mask from anyone that you can identify as “clearly-too-old-to-be-trick-or-treating” and not worth wasting the good stuff on. Maybe hit them with raisins instead, or apples if you’re feeling frisky.
  5. Nerf Modulus Tri-Strike – If you’re someone who actually lives in a rich neighborhood and is seeking something maybe a little fancier, this one’s for you. Not only does this gun enable the shooter to customize it with 3 different projectiles, it allows one to strike either separately or combined. Those children will be literally craving to get shot by you. Just make sure you load ‘em up with the good stuff. 
  6. Nerf Rival Prometheus MXVIII-20K – This blaster is fully motorized, holds a whopping 200 rounds, and fires at a velocity of 100 feet per second. For a measly couple hundred of dollars, you could load this baby up with some finger-lickin’ cheeseballs and have people turning around before they’ve even stepped onto your property.

This is a versatile list that offers something for each individual’s price and needs. And if you’re wondering if Nerf is sponsoring me, maybe they are or maybe they’re not. Would it really hurt you if I got a little commission when I am offering you the most fun you’ll probably have during this shitty pandemic that seems like it’s never going to end? 

(Please do not actually hurt any children in the process, so that the fun will continue).