Boy oh boy! October is here, and with it comes the classic midterm slump every student dreads. Countless exams, projects, quizzes, and homework assignments have piled on higher than your parents’ expectations for you to be more ladylike and graduate with honors and become a successful lawyer and take care of the family and also marry a southern gentleman and also raise a family of your own. Who can blame you for feeling like you might be at the end of your rope?
From one stressed-out student to another, here are a few tips that always kick me out of a funk when I reach my emotional limit and DON’T feel like crying until I throw up while listening to Melodrama by Lorde.
One: Find a really round rock, like really round, and hold it.
Two: Cry so loudly in the shower your neighbors two floors down can hear all about how your journalism professor made you feel insecure in front of the class for no damn good reason.
Three: Buy houseplants.
Four: Walk it off (credit to my Journalism professor, who told me this after I said I was having a really hard week. Cured!).
Five: Go to the gym and shatter the gym mirror with your screams while listening to “Lose Yourself” by Eminem.
Six: Delete Blackboard and focus on yourself.
Seven: Wolf-whistle at every pledge you see on campus.
Eight: Kick a ginger in the shins (therapeutic!) (bonus points if your journalism professor is a ginger!).
Nine: Paint a portrait of Darla Moore using the blood of a Humanities major (or your journalism professor).
Ten: Deep dive into otamatone on YouTube (credit to my brother, a senior law student—“I fuckin love those things”).
Good luck on those midterms, and remember — when life gives you lemons, squeeze them into your Journalism professor’s eyes! Then do a face mask.