Cocky Asks to be Euthanized after Lengthy Battle with Throat Cancer

In a stunning announcement today, University of South Carolina President Harris Pastides told reporters that beloved mascot Cocky has asked to be euthanized after a lengthy battle with throat cancer.

Doctors say the throat cancer was caused by second-hand smoke inhalation from football Head Coach Joe Morrison in the 1980’s. Once able to speak coherent sentences, Cocky has been limited to hoarse crows and inaudible whispers.

“Cocky didn’t want to experience anymore pain. It is already painful enough to make him attend our lackluster football games, so he decided to ‘pull the plug’ before the season ended,” Pastides said. “He wants to be euthanized during halftime at the game this weekend. There will be a ceremony and everything. We are calling it the “Cocky Bloodletting.”

When asked for comment, Cocky remained silent, only giving our reporter a high-five and a doing a brief dance, before skipping away.