Fascist Still Finds Time For the Little Things

Stating that everyone needs a break from the bustle of everyday life, fascist Steve Bannon told gathered reporters that he still found time for the small joys in life. Bannon, emphasizing the stress often incurred by a day at the office or by depriving human beings of their basic rights, emphatically praised “just sitting down and having a moment to yourself.”

The former Breitbart president and current Chief White House strategist offered an example from his own experiences:

“I love spending time with my daughters. Taking care of another human being is one of the most difficult, but enjoyable things a human has to do, and since I don’t let them go to school with Jews we have a lot of free time together. In December, to wind down after the election, we all took a trip to the Smithsonian and took turns finding what was and wasn’t globalist propaganda.

“And last week, when I got the seat on the National Security Council, well, I just had to go out for a quick celebratory turducken,” said the self-identifying economic nationalist. “I ate it whole, bones and all. The marrow gives me life, and it’s easy to imagine all three birds perishing slowly.”

Bannon asked some individuals in the crowd how they liked to relax, and offered some advice to improving their down time. At one point, he specifically told Newsweek editor David Jonson, who said he enjoyed pruning his garden, “there’s nothing quite like tearing the ribcage out of a living Syrian refugee for the nerves,” adding, “there is no song as serene as the pained, dying breaths of a child.”

Bannon concluded the conference by suggesting the reporters “get the fuck out,” and heaving his jowls back over the podium.