Trump Bashes the Dead; Calls Them “Weak”

President Donald J. Trump is once again lashing out on Twitter, this time taking aim at dead people, categorically labeling them as “weak.” Trump began his assault with a tweet at 1:52 am that read, “Can’t believe all the cemeteries that exist. So many people choose to celebrate such weak dead people. SAD!” The initial tweet, which now has 78.2 thousand retweets, began a thread where Trump repeatedly criticized dead people, and quipped that cemeteries should be replaced with driving ranges.

Trump continued his Twitter thread with a tweet expressing his displeasure in attending a funeral for a soldier at Arlington National cemetery, reading: “Attended a ceremony for a ‘strong’ and ‘courageous’ soldier at Arlington today. Why honor people who can’t stay alive long enough to get home?” He continued, tweeting an additional 14 times, before concluding at 2:22 am, “…All my friends are alive, I’ve never been dead, and those lousy dead individuals clearly didn’t value life enough to even bother to not die!”

Kellyanne Conway was the first to defend Trump’s tweets, telling Fox & Friends that “Well clearly Mr. Trump is expressing his pro-life stance, and I think that if people were more focused on the Clinton Foundation fraud we wouldn’t be discussing this.”

Analysts are conflicted as to how this will affect President Trump’s approval rating. The Third Spur reached out to local psychic, Caroline Browne, to see if she could contact the dead and see how they were receiving the President’s comments. “I’m getting something” she started. “Yeah, they’re not happy.” Browne went on to say that one spirit claimed the entire afterlife is going to “beat his ass” when he dies.

At press time, Trump was tweeting out season two spoilers of Stranger Things.