Student Body Still Figuring this Whole Basketball Thing Out

With the resurgence of both the men’s and women’s basketball teams in recent years, the entirety of the student body at the University of South Carolina is still sort of figuring out this whole “basketball thing.” While average attendance at games has increased, some students are still reportedly showing up at Williams-Brice Stadium in anticipation of the sporting event.

Fans have taken time to adjust to the rules of the sport as well. “It took me awhile to get used to all of the ‘handballs,’” said one attendee at last week’s game against Alabama. “I guess they’re all goalkeepers?”

Another fan complained, “They called a foul when the ball didn’t even go out of play!” The high final scores and loud arena chants continue to excite fans, although they have been disappointed with the defense of the men’s team, who give up an average of 10 touchdowns per game.

Gamecock fans seem to agree that what is most surprising about basketball is the talent on the respective teams.

“The men’s team and women’s team are both ranked? You’re allowed to win? Who knew Coach Spurrier left us such a talented roster after he retired?”