KKK Warming Up To Kwanzaa

For years members of the infamous Ku Klux Klan have been stirring controversy with their racist actions and beliefs, but this Christmas season, many of the self-titled “Heroes of America” have found the holiday spirit in a surprising manner. Kwanzaa, a week long celebration built around the idea of Pan-Africanism is mainly observed by African-American families, but recently the hooded crusaders of the KKK are joining in on the fun.

“It’s an absolutely wonderful idea,” says Klansman Randy Underhill. “Those [fellas] may not be good for much, but they sure do know how to have a good time with family and friends.”  Every year, more and more members are turning in their white robes for red, green, and black ones, even if for just a few days. In the week following Christmas, the Brotherhood of Klans group based in Henderson, Tennessee put down their burning crosses and instead light kinara candles to honor the seven principles of Kwanzaa. While skeptical at first, Underhill now sees tremendous value in the holiday.

“Kwanzaa is great for the children. It’s easy to get them caught up in the day-to-day life of the Klan, and we like to use this as an opportunity to teach them valuable lessons, likeUmoja, which means Unity, or Imani- faith.”

“We just want them to know that while asserting the white race’s dominance over all other peoples is important, there’s also more to life. No reason we can’t teach them to love- as long as they still hate the blacks, Jews, Muslims, Asians, Catholics, Mexicans- you know, all the bad guys.”

The surge in popularity is not confined to the KKK. Other extremist groups, including the Neo-Nazi Party and the Westboro Baptist Church, have all enthusiastically embraced Kwanzaa. It seems there is no better way to wind down after a long year of racially-fueled violence and hate-filled propagandizing than to engage in traditional African dance and drink from a Kikombe cha Umoja. While members of both the KKK and the black community are critical of the trend, calling it “cultural appropriation” and “forgetting your white roots,” there is no denying that there will be plenty of new people having a very happy K-K-Kwanzaa this year.