Class Traumatized After Professor Brandishes Midterm

A nightmarish scenario played out in Humanities Classroom Building room 212 today, as Professor Ida Floyd suddenly removed a large stack of papers from her bag at the front of the classroom. Horrified eyewitnesses say Floyd then placed the papers front-and-center on a table, making it clear that this was “definitely no completion grade,” as one student described.

“It was surreal,” Chad Folly, a member of the class, explained. “You always hear about this kind of thing happening in other classrooms, but you never expect it from your own professor.”

Attempting to stay calm and draw no attention to themselves, students began nonchalantly flipping through the syllabus if they still had it. Others were forced to text friends for help under their desks, trying to keep out of view as Floyd watched over them menacingly.

“It truly was the scariest thing that’s happened to me,” sophomore Julie Miller said of the class period. “[Prof. Floyd] just stared at us saying, ‘if you did the reading, you’ll be fine.’ I’ll never get that out of my head.” Miller also expressed regret they’d ignored warning signs displayed by Floyd, such as a verbal threats to bring a midterm the week before. “She was always such a quiet professor,” she said. “I didn’t think this was in her character. I don’t know. If I’d paid attention to her lectures, maybe things would have been different.”

At press time, the incident has sparked fierce test-control debates, both on-campus and beyond.