Student Hopes Third Listen of Broadway Musical ‘Hamilton’ Enough to Get Laid

Finishing his third play-through of the week, sophomore Jared Davis expressed hope that his extensive exposure to the popular Broadway musical “Hamilton” would be enough to finally entice women to sleep with him. Stating that “ladies love it when you know [show composer] Lin Man[uel Miranda],” Jared expounded on the play’s hip-hop focus, its ability to “pull mad tail,” and its potential to “net me a couple Thetas for my trouble.” The Marine Science major prepared a number of quotes and references from the Grammy-winning performance to impress potential dates, including a fully choreographed reenactment of the first three numbers. “Yeah, chicks aren’t that hard to figure out,” said Jared. “You just gotta feel ’em out, and no one feels women like me.” At press time, Jared had reportedly begun a fourth listen to “really seal the deal.”