Opinion: I’m A $20 Bill. Let Me Choose How I Look!

I am a $20 Federal Reserve Note. For years now, people have been judging me, along with my other fellow notes of varied denominations, for the human face printed on my body.

I have heard people say “Put this person on there, and take Jackson off!” and “Keep Jackson!” Well, for fucks sake nobody has every asked me what my own opinion is. Are you a $20 bill? No, I didn’t think so you little ass-wipe, so you can’t judge me. I already have the damn Federal Reserve and Treasury Department overpopulating my kind and in turn deflating my self-worth, so the last thing I need is you haters. So here’s my two cents and $19.98 in change.

Stop issuing 20’s, and get a god damned credit card and let me live my days in peace! I am tired of being touched by your filthy shit-stained, bacteria-infected hands, and crushed and folded to be carried in your cheap faux leather wallets and urine soaked jeans pockets!

One week I am with one mouth breather and the next I am given to some oxygen thief who snorts low quality crack off my wrinkled body! You create me to exchange and sell me for other things; you really don’t care about me. But you still care about what is printed on my face!

Well, shove it up your asses you filthy animals and listen to what I have to say, for the love of our Creator, or the Philadelphia Mint as I call him!