Opinion: Guys, I’ve Finally Found The One

Fall has begun, here in Columbia, and as the leaves fall to the ground and squirrels run to and fro in anticipation of the coming frost, I just went on my last first date with the girl who I know is “the one.” I’ll explain:

As Jenny and I walked into Starbucks, I knew that our first date would be magical. We planned to “study” together or as she put it, so adorably, “really I have to study and can’t talk right now.” Right from the beginning, I was picking up on the signals she was sending me.

As we ordered at the cash register, I jested, “Pumpkin Spice Latte? How did they fit a whole pumpkin in this cup?” (I must admit, I stole this gem from How I Met Your Mother) to which she responded, “Yep I’ve seen that episode too.”

As we sat down, I humorously suggested we trade papers and do each other’s work for each other, to which she laughed and said “no,” but in a really cute way.

At this point I knew it was time to bring my best material to the table, so I flipped my hair to the side, glanced at her textbook and said, “Anthropology? I didn’t know there was a class all about the clothing store!” Immediately thereafter she rolled her eyes and looked longingly at me for approximately eleven seconds, but, in her funny way, she disguised her amusement as a fierce, cold glare.

She was pretending she wasn’t already planning whether to have the wedding in her hometown or mine, but she must have been foolish to think that I wouldn’t see the way she clenched her teeth every time I talked, just fighting back the desire to tell me how perfect we are together.

Looking back, I’d say it went really well, the only downside to the date was when I asked if she wanted to get dinner tomorrow and she said, “I don’t eat and I have to go,” but I’m feeling pretty confident that we’ll see each other soon.
To top it all off, I heard through her door that she was filing for a restraining order to “keep a creepy guy away.” I can’t believe she’s already filing restraining orders against her ex-boyfriends so we can be together, but she must know we’re meant to be just like I do.