Inside Football: Gamecocks Planning To Win First Game

After last year’s lukewarm record, there have been doubts as to what strategy the Gamecocks’ coaching staff will implement in the upcoming football season. However, during a brief interview after Tuesday night’s practice, head coach Steve Spurrier put those worries to rest, explaining that he’s planning to win the first game this Thursday against the University of North Carolina Tarheels.

“Well, we’re going to go in and beat those guys,” declared Spurrier. “The offensive coaches and I have been doing a lot of fiddling with Thursday’s game plan, but we gotta score. Put up some points, really. As many as possible. And we have a couple of schemes to do that- the first one we call ‘run’ and the second one, ‘pass.'”

Spurrier also commented on the team’s hazy quarterback situation. “Well since Pharoh Cooper hasn’t mastered throwing himself touchdown passes, we’re going with Connor Mitch as the starter.”

South Carolina ranked 92nd in total defense last season, leading Spurrier to hire new co-defensive coordinator Jon Hoke. When asked about how he’ll turn it around this season, Hoke responded, “Listen, if we tackle the guy with the football I think we’ll be alright. Honestly, I don’t know how I can fuck up any worse than the last guy.”

After about fifteen minutes of questions, Spurrier concluded the press conference in his usual terse way, saying the team has worked hard and reiterating that they intend for UNC to score fewer points than they do.