Opinion: Your First Year Dorm Isn’t Complete Without a Small Animal for You to Neglect

It’s the beginning of a new year here at USC, which means all the new students have moved into their freshman dorms! This is an exciting time for the incoming class, and a perfect time for you to start thinking about getting an animal for your dorm! Everyone will come from the other floors to marvel at your little creature. But first, here is some advice on choosing and caring for your new pet.

  1. Try a hamster, bunny, or ferret if you need something to blame the smell of your room on
  2. Try a gecko or turtle if you’re looking for something to go missing after your first night out at Five Points
  3. If you run out of whatever food it eats, just feed it M&Ms or hot Cheetos from the vending machine
  4. Wouldn’t it be funny to replace your fish’s water with Bud Light?
  5. If you ever get bored of your pet, just set it loose in the hallways never to be seen again

Now, we know what you’re thinking: isn’t that morally wrong? Yes, it is! But, who cares? Mr. Bubbles is a goldfish and is barely aware of anything. It doesn’t matter if he dies! Here at The Third Spur, though, we have only two tips. One, your dorm should be whatever you want it to be and should reflect who you are! And two, if you want to have the hottest room in the building, buy a small animal for you to neglect!

Have fun and welcome to USC!