North Pole – Santa Claus has made visits to homes around the world for millennia, but this year, he plans on skipping the most famous house of all. This past Tuesday, Santa Claus, also known as Kris Kringle, announced that he would not visit the White House this Christmas, making this the first time a mystical entity has skipped a visit to the White House.
“I’m sorry, but they’re not even worth the coal” Claus told the Washington Post. “Maybe I’ll go next year if they aren’t so naughty.”
Mr. Claus clarified the reason for skipping the entire house, claiming it wasn’t solely based on President Trump’s actions and statements. “Nearly everyone in that house is up to some dubious shit. From President Trump to the gardeners, everyone was on the naughty list.”
President Trump responded to the announcement by Santa Claus by tweeting “We didn’t want a visit from Santa Claus anyway! Taking away good American jobs with cheap toys and furthering our massive trade deficit with China!”
Other mystical entities, such as the Jesus Christ and tooth fairy, have come out in support of Santa, with Jesus Christ tweeting back at Trump, “Fool @OfficialSanta already said he wasn’t coming! So don’t expect a visit! You better watch out for me come 2020!”
At press time, Barron Trump was seen crumpling up his wish list and sadly shuffling back to his room.