Five Points Called “Trick-or-Treating Nightmare”

Calling the evening “an absolute nightmare,” USCPD have announced that children will not be permitted to trick-or-treat in Five Points in the future.

The original plan was to allow trick-or-treating at various Five Point businesses on Halloween night. However, police canceled the event only 25 minutes after it began, citing behavior from inebriated Five Points patrons as the cause. “It was definitely a bad call,” one officer said in a press conference. “I guess we underestimated just how hammered students were going to get on a Monday night.”

When asked how it was that several trick-or-treaters made it inside Five Points bars, one bouncer explained, “We did our best, but small children these days are looking older and older. And when everybody’s in costume, it can make our job really tough.” He detailed a point in the night at which he had to forcibly remove a severely inebriated six-year-old from the establishment.

Sources say that several children were given miniature bottles of Jack Daniels as Halloween treats, and that one female student threw up into a boy’s plastic pumpkin. Parents and business owners alike were appalled.

“I mean, it couldn’t have been later than 6pm,” one mother recalled. “But there were at least two hundred college students in full costume. They put pills in my 7-year-old’s pillow case. He also somehow got several phone numbers.”

At press time, police say they have not ruled out the Vista for trick-or-treating next year.