World Puzzled As 2017 Has Not Yet Killed Celebrity
2017 has not yet killed anyone of consequence.
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Entertainment
Trump “Inauguration Festival” Lands Middle School Choir
The lineup for Donald Trump’s ‘Inauguration Festival’ was finally released Wednesday January 18th, and it has music fans everywhere dying to get a ticket.
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Joe Pesci Swallows Reporter Whole
While sitting on a panel for the upcoming film ‘The Irishman,’ noted American actor Joe Pesci swallowed a reporter in one fluid motion, according to sources.
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Student Hopes Third Listen of Broadway Musical ‘Hamilton’ Enough to Get Laid
Finishing his third play-through of the week, sophomore Jared Davis expressed hope that his extensive exposure to the popular Broadway
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Kanye Announces Anti-Piracy Campaign
Speaking from the deck of his newly built ship, “Queen B’s Revenge”, Kanye West announced earlier today that he would be setting sail in a new anti-piracy campaign.
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Oscars To Feature Only White, Human Nominees
Controversy has erupted as the 2016 Academy-Awards approach with the only nominations for major awards going to white, human actors.
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Nation’s Whites Thrilled To See Coldplay Perform At Super Bowl
During this year’s Super Bowl Half Time performance, every white person in the country reportedly took a break from discussing Downton Abbey and poorly recreating “The Dab” to enjoy Adult-Alternative music group Coldplay.
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Carolina Productions Releases Spring 2016 Movie Lineup
Cinema-lovers rejoice- Carolina Productions has released its spring movie lineup for the Russell House Theater. We’ve included the whole list here, for easy viewing. Enjoy!
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Date To State Fair Somehow Goes Terribly
Rory Morton, 18, somehow managed to have a terrible date to the South Carolina State Fair on Saturday, sources say.
Read moreArea Man Brings Guitar To Party, Again
Local Douchebag Brian Fielding, 27, brought his guitar to yet another party, which, for some inexplicable reason, he believed was
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Redefining Sexual Maturity: Senior Reaches Climax Of Retired Life
At the Winter’s Gate Retirement Community, there’s not much for the residents to do while they await their deaths. Some
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Kate Upton Wins Oscar For Best Personality
The stars were shining in Hollywood on Sunday night, where hundreds of celebrities gathered at Dolby Theatre for the 87th Academy
Read moreCarny Really Has Things Going For Him
Long time carnival employee William “Scurgly” Harrisburg really has his life going in the right direction. Scurgly’s good fortune started
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Exclusive View At Michael Bay’s New Film “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”
The Third Spur has been granted an exclusive view of Michael Bay’s new adaptation of Eric Carle’s “The Very Hungry Caterpillar”
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